Today we had a meeting with all of Mia's doctors to discuss what's been going on. It was a difficult meeting. They said things we already knew they were thinking. They have concerns. They are worried that things might not get better. She is not getting better very fast, and it's hard to see much improvement at times. And she still has the feeding issue in addition to her current respiratory problem.
These past few weeks have been extremely difficult. There have been times I felt we might lose Mia. I wasn't sure if she was going to pull through. As hard as it for me to say this, I've went shopping and wondered if I should pick something out for her to be buried in. I don't say the thought out loud or mention it to Lee because it makes it even more real. I still have hope, but I also know there's a very real possibility God might decide to take Mia.
I pray for miracles everyday, but I also pray for God to let me know which direction take with Mia's care. As much as I want her here, I never want to keep her here for my own selfish reasons. I want her to be happy, and it scares me that could possibly mean we no longer have her here with us.
What I do know is that these past eight months have been the best times of my life. She has filled our lives with so much love and joy. She has taught us so much in her short little life. She has made me look at things differently and appreciate things. We celebrate the little things and cherish them. What she's done for us in these months, we will carry for a lifetime.
All we can do now is place everything in God's hands with the understanding that whatever happens, He will help us get through it.